you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
