your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
