She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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