what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
