I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
