I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
