The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Randomize
