i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
