Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
