i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
