Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
