Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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