somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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