Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Small penises have feelings too.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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