best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
