His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
