is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
