i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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