there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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