I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
