New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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