Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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