Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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