he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
