I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
