I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
