There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
