This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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