what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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