cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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