I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
