happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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