Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
