i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
