I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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