so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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