We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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