So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
