how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
