cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
