We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.