If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time