I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.