Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
