...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
