A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize