he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
