I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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