My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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