I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
