Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
