Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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