Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
