I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
