Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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