I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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