Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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