I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
